The Guilt of Indulgence: Life on the Job Hunt

I'm not ashamed to say that recently, I haven't been feeling like myself. I like to think of myself as a bubbly and energetic soul, but recently I just feel rather, well, low.

Low energy, low stimulation, low on life.

It took me not 5 minutes to identify where these feelings were stemming from. For the last few weeks, my days have been occupied with job searching, CV writing, and rejection- all whilst working at my part-time job. To say that there is a lot being thrown at me recently is an understatement. And by no means am I uncomfortable with having a wealthy 'to-do' list- I truly do a little victory dance a-la-Chandler every time I can tick a task off. It just feels that for every ticked task, another two appear.

You see, life is about balance, and right now there is far more yang to my yin. That's not to say that we all should have mastered the juggling act that is life. By no means do I think everyone has their mess together, so why should I have mine!

Every Buzzfeed outlet and gammon-ran media platform tells us Generation Z-er's that we work too hard and in a 'burnout' fashion, or that we're ~shudders~ snowflakes, who don't know the true meaning of hard work. I'm not sure if either of these statements can be used to summarise our generation, however I do know that when I do dedicate some time to myself, it is more-often-than-not accompanied by a tidal wave of guilt.

This wave creeps out away from the beach in my mind, lurking in the background when I have decided to take some 'me-time'. Then almost all at once, whilst I soak in the bath and flick open my book, or grab my keys to head out for a coffee, the wave hits. I could be spending this time job hunting, I should be planning a blog post, and I should be tidying my room are all thoughts that crash along this wave. The thought that I could always be doing more, that every hour spent doing something that 'serves no purpose' retracts me further from my goals can be crippling. Thankfully, I know everyone feels this way, and when these thoughts wash through my mind, I offer myself a life jacket. I remind myself that although it may seem counter-productive, taking time to indulge in living is one of the best ways to get back on the grind come Monday morning.

The truth is, sometimes its just better to walk away from the computer screen, and remember that the world is going to continue brimming with life, whether you're sat at home beating yourself up or taking the break that you need. It can be especially hard in the age of social media, with users being able to show just a snapshot of their day. Seeing people out for lunch one day, in London the next, and then ticking off their to-do list with laptop at the ready can be all sorts of intimidating to me. I feel both the pain and the pleasure in seeing my peers update their LinkedIn career status, but know that the successes they make in no way affects the successes I will make.

All in all, I hope this post provides a slight bit of reassurance to anyone out there suffering with a guilty conscience. And if anyone wants to meet me for a catch up... I'll check my messages Saturday...